Many of you know that I started back at work on December 4th. People have asked how that is going and I'm never quite sure what they want me to say. "Oh, it's WONDERFUL! I just LOVE leaving Sophie at 7am so I can miss the best parts of her day when she's all smiles and giggles! It's great to pick her up at 4pm when she's tired and I'm tired and we only have a couple more hours together before she goes down for the night! I love 'watching' other peoples' kids all day so that I can pay someone else to watch mine." I feel like the answer should be pretty obvious, but I know that's just me being cynical & rude. I know that the people asking are just trying to be kind and show that they care. And I know that they do.
So while that's been running through my head, my verbal response has been pretty much the same to everyone: "Luckily, I'm good at compartmentalizing, and when I'm at work I can focus on being there. The hardest part is walking away from her in the morning, but once I get to work I do okay." And I do. But I can't wait to get in my car and zoom over to whoever she's with for the day (she's been staying with family & friends until Christmas break) and grab her in my arms and smother her in kisses. And I do. Maybe if she weren't so stinkin cute it wouldn't be so hard and I'd shed less tears every morning. But she is...so the tears will keep coming.
People say "It will get easier." I'd like to be able to go back in time so I could remember who said that to me, because either they were lying to make me feel better about the crappiness of it all OR they never had to leave their baby in the arms of someone else every day and have no clue what they're talking about. Every single working mom that I've talked to has confirmed that it does not get easier. I know I've only been doing this for about 2 weeks now, but I can say that it only gets harder every day. The reality of it sinks in more and more, and it just stinks. In fact, that's a good way to sum it all up, and maybe it should be my new response to those who ask:
"It just stinks."
Wednesday, December 17, 2008
It just stinks.
Posted by Matt, Katie, and Sophia! at 3:27 PM
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4 comments:
i'm dreading it.
I am so sorry you have to go through the pain, and I have no idea, because I have never left my kids with someone else day in and day out to go to work, but I can tell you that there are stinky things about being with them all day and never feeling like you get to have time with adults. But on the whole I think it is easier emotionally. I have to say that I respect you and am amazed that you do what you do. I taught for the better part of a year as permanent sub, and at the end of it I concluded that I could not possibly pour into other people's kids and at the same time as my own and end up sane. But I know plenty of people who have done it, so I know it can be done. Anyway, I have tremendous respect for you.
Thanks for being honest, Katie! I go back to work in January and have been totally suspicious of the, "it gets easier" line - almost as much as I have hoped it would actually be true.
Man, I'm sad to read that you are so sad. It's to be expected because you are a good mom and you love your baby. Ellie was born at the same time in the school year & i went back to work around the same time as you. Ellie got more and more fun as I was gone and leaving her got harder and harder. We finally came to the conclusion in the last weeks of school that something HAD to be different the next year. Turns out, I started my own day care for a year. Not easy, but it's what i had to do. is there any way you can stay home next year?
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